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How to create a meaningful connection

3 MIN READ • 6th February 2023

Learn these lessons in love from life coach Divya Chandegra


If you’re looking to find lasting love and are finding it difficult to create a meaningful connection with someone, the answer could be found by working on your own expectations and limiting beliefs, according to life and wellbeing coach Divya Chandegra. Here, she shares her words of wisdom for your quest for connection.

Identify toxic patterns

Often, we look for someone else to fulfil the neglect we’ve experienced in childhood. Can you see how this might become a toxic pattern?

Perhaps you expect that your person should be available to fulfil all of your needs, that things will always stay the same or that you’ll be together forever. Perhaps you expect that your person can fulfil all of your spiritual, emotional, mental, financial and physical needs. Is it your responsibility or theirs to ensure your wellbeing is balanced?

When we put this level of pressure on each other, we can end up in co-dependent connections that are unhealthy and can lead to resentment. You may find yourself thinking, speaking and behaving in a way that’s “expected” of you – so you’re performing a role that society, your family or culture has programmed into you and may not actually feel real or true to you.

Expectations kill realness

Expectations are often based on beliefs. And our beliefs are programmed into us from our early years by our parents, society and culture. Expectation is the “should” in our relationship programs. Ask yourself, who creates the vision of the “should?” And why do we believe that we need to follow that line of thinking as a belief system in what a real connection looks like?

When we hold on to the programming others have imprinted on our connections or vision of what a connection looks like, we leave no room to see the realness of the individual. We no longer give them the space to operate freely and from a vibration that feels good to them, because they’re busy fulfilling expectations others have placed on them, including us if we’re still living in a conditional belief system.

Be there for yourself

So, how can we fulfil ourselves to attract from the level that we’re operating in? We can start by looking after our own needs first. By developing a connection with self and knowing ourselves well enough to identify what we need and when, we then stop placing that expectation and obligation on others to show up for us. Instead, we start showing up for ourselves and that puts us in our power to identify what we will or will not accept from others.

Remove expectation and obligation

By removing expectation and obligation from our connections, we learn to accept what is and from here we can make conscious decisions about whether that suits the standard we’ve set for ourselves.

When you approach relationships from a place of awareness, it’s much more fulfilling and real if someone does something or says something because they want to and it’s true for them, instead of behaving in a particular way because they feel obligated to or because they’re expected to because of a label or widespread societal programming.

Find freedom in your connections

Having pure intentions for someone’s best interest removes the expectations you may place on them and at the same frees them from obligation, so that they can be true to themselves. It opens up a space for us and others to be accepting and allows for freedom of choice without imposing our unfulfilled needs on them.

Divya Chandegra is a life and wellness soul guide. Her mission in life is to empower parents and professionals to heal their limiting childhood beliefs and subconscious blocks. She guides them to focus on their inner child, generational patterns, mindset reprogramming, self-love, and unconditional love. Divya is passionate about seeing her clients transform by releasing repeated behaviour patterns through conscious decision-making to avoid passing trauma onto future generations!

Subscribe for free access to Divya’s Understanding Your Inner Child mini-course and Unblock Your Self masterclass to begin your transformation journey today. To find out more, visit the website.

Meet the writer
Rae Passfield
Commercial content creator

Rae is the newest member of the H&W editorial team, working on the mag’s creative branded content and joining the panel on the Walk to Wellbeing podcast. She’s spent several years living and working abroad as a copywriter... Discover more

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